Sunday, January 29, 2006

happy?



Being diagnosed HIV positive has few good points.

Lets look at the good points:

You tend to appreciate the little things. Even if it is for a brief period when you first find out you test was “reactive” ( They don’t say positive and negative that’s too confusing.) You do have a better appreciation for everything.
Um…
well that about wraps up the good things.

Lets look at the crappy things shall we?

Ah the little things. They are also the things that will be your undoing. Little things like people flaking out on you. Saying things like "Sure I’ll go to the doctors with you because I know your worried and need support." And don’t call and don’t e-mail or text they just don’t care. The little things like that. These little things make ya feel real great about yourself and your place in the world.

You know that one day you will be sick. If a car crash or terrorist attack or stroke or heart attack or cancer or drunk driver or earthquake or tsunami wont kill you first you always have this to fall back on. (great a back up plan!)

Every goddamn bug you catch there is a moment that you think. “is this the start? Is this the one that will do it?” Every damn cold, flu, sneeze, cough, fart, everything!

You worry that you have what has coldly been referred to in the office as AIDSFACE. You know… the sunken in look like you just crawled out of a concentration camp. Little things like people who haven’t seen you in six months don’t recognize you start to freak you out. Aidsface also goes for puffy unexplained rapid weight gain in my book.

You stop dating. (oh wait who am I fooling lets start putting this in the correct person)
I stopped dating. Why? Because it hurts when you tell people and they disappear. They treat you like are already dead. Like your sitting on a box o dynamite waiving a sparkler under a fuse.

That hurts. That made me feel like there was no reason to live. None.

I have developed a complex system of delusions to make me not feel this way but every so often the reality hits me.
People don’t want to know anyone who is could be sick.

Meds.
hmm to be allowed the luxury of staying alive to have people avoid you (now this is with insurance) 200.00 a month. That’s the basic meds. That’s what I get to shell out every 30 days just so assholes can consider me a nonperson. WHAT A FUCKIN’ DEAL THAT IS!

I don’t want to make friends because eventually I’ll have to tell them and the reactions are so unpredictable. I’ve had "friends" go thru some freaky mourning then poof their gone. I’m not dead! (and they are not my friends) Yes I know if people do that then they are not your friends. True. I'm not saying all my friends had gone away I'm saying the ones that did hurt my feelings. (aww what a lil baby!)

Sex : what the fuck is that? When was the last time I had it? Who knows?
I like sex I love it. That what got me into this mess to begin with!

I'm getting older. I dont have my stunning good looks to fall back on. I just have my 10th grade education my bitter disposition and bad health. But boy what a great combo for the person who wants to be partners with me until i'm dead WHOOO HOO!

I don’t want to end up on Heart’s Island in a pine box with a sharpied number on the lid.
I’m coming to terms with the fact I may never find someone to share my life with.
This blog may be a little more important to me than I had realized

Friday, January 27, 2006

Why don't ya sit a spell?

I go in for pre-surgery on the first. Until then the pain continues then its goodbye gallstones.

great so what about the spleen gettin' all huffy and puffy?

I have a crappy cd4 (helper cell) count. 16. Only 16. That number should be 61 or so.
For the Absolute (no its not how much vodka I have in me killing germs!) cd4 count is 274.
This number should be 1740. Too close to 200 for my taste.

When you dip below 200 you become a different class of victim. You will never again be treated as HIV positive you become another person with AIDS. I'm not comfortable with that transition at this point in my life. (I have dipped below 200 before but was able to get help from a clinic and there for keep that fact off my insurance. The clinic I used is now gone. Thanks George.)

So my immune system sucks and it enlarges my spleen to tell me to get help.
"what's that spleen?" "You say the immune system is low and I need help?" that's a good spleen.

I'm waiting on a referral to go thru for an Infectious Disease doctor. Who knows how long that will take.

As for the other thing. I need to come back and deal with that another day. Its not a priority.

But in the meantime her is a picture of PEN the super cat using his heat vision to locate Turkey in the house.

I'm not sure if its "Heat seeking turkeyvision" or "Turkey seeking heatvision" He wrote it down for me but I lost the paper. I don't want to ask him when he's on a supercat mission. He gets all hissy.

Wednesday, January 25, 2006

Drum roll please


Well I was lucky this morning to get a doctor who can help.

I wont bore you with all the details but i can now add 3 more things to the list of "CREEPY THINGS INSIDE MY BODY"

Here are the bullit points of my visit

1. gallstones. GALLSTONES! gallstones? Yes I'm not 15 years old anymore and these things happen. PAIN ONE EXPLAINED AWAY.

2. Diverticulitis EWW. PAIN 2 EXPLAINED AWAY.

3. Enlarged spleen. why? dont know. PAIN 3 EXPLAINED AWAY.

The solution until friday when I get to see my real doctor again is:

(the junkie angels sing)
DARVOCET.

Tuesday, January 24, 2006

Next time I'll call ahead for a reservation.


So again I wander into the emergency room at Cedars. This time it was packed. Packed with moaning people. People who look like they are going to drop dead any minute. I managed to find a seat and hold onto it for about 2 hours. I was eyeballed out of the chair because the boyfriend of the woman I was sitting next to had returned from STARBUCKS with her latte. Her latte to comfort in time of need. He got the order wrong. She had asked for a soy latte and he neglected to follow her orders. He needed to sit down he was in bigger trouble than anyone there. I certainly didn't want to sit next to this demanding lactose intolerant shrew for fear of the inevitable. He now had to sit next to that growing gas bubble and be punished for his transgression. I moved to the other side of the room and found a fresh seat by the door. I had stolen yet another companions seat as he went for a smoke. He came back. I didn't budge. The pain had come back and didn't' feel he needed to sit down. This was another 2 hours. The room had become increasingly more crowded. The volunteer at the door was telling newbys that it was at least a four hour wait until the could be processed. Four hours until you get your chance to say what wrong with you. Ouch. (ring ring ring ring bananaphone) The song came back with a stab. The room now devoid of any free seat had patients lining the walls. Two old men came in separately. The first one had a nasty fall and had a nice deep cut on his forehead. It's terrible to see old folk in pain. I cant deal with it. The next man was put in a wheel chair and place in front of me. His daughter said he was in the midst of a stroke.

He was.

I dont do well in simple crowds.The compexity of this room was getting overwhelming. This crowded room of sick people and this poor man suffering sent me packing. I told the volunteer to take my name off the list and she said return tomorrow between 5am and 11am and you should be able to see someone.
That's what I'll do.
I'm now at home (Bananaphone)

Hey whacha thinkin'?



So I lay here in pain. The stabbing pain. The inconsistent yet unavoidable pain. The thing that happens to me during the times of acute stabbing and or shooting pain is quite odd. I have found myself singing in my head and then eventually out loud a Raffi song. Raffi is an odd little guitar playing tunesmith for children.

“Ring ring ring ring ring ring ring ring Bananaphone.
Ring ring ring ring ring ring ring ring BANANAPHONE It grows in bunches …”

You get the idea. Not much to it but it works to get me thru my alien baby labor pains.
Damn you Raffi, Damn you to HELLLLLLLLLLLLLLL AAAAAGH!

Still in pain you ask? Or maybe you didn’t but YES I’m still in pain. My test results won’t be back until next Monday (bloodwork on Friday) I’m not pleased with the amount of time it takes to find out I have a swift moving disease or perhaps a toad in my gut.
I’m hoping it’s a toad.

Sunday, January 22, 2006

Laura

I watched Laura this weekend.

For many people, Gene Tierney will always be Laura - the mysteriously seductive actress who played the title role in Otto Preminger's classic film noir, backed by one of the most famous movie theme tunes ever written. For the movie buff, Gene is also the principal attraction in a series of highly regarded pictures from the 1940s: 'The Ghost And Mrs Muir', 'Leave Her to Heaven', 'Son of Fury', and perhaps one or two others.

Of course, most of the films in which she appeared were routine first features which have dated fast and consequently fallen into semi-obscurity (at least judging by TV showings and video availability). Yet no matter how trivial some of these productions may have been, Gene's gorgeous, glowing presence makes every scene of hers a joy to watch. To take just one example, if the 1951 comedy 'The Mating Season' transcends its workaday script and still delights TV audiences today, it has to do not only with the inspired casting of Thelma Ritter and John Lund, but with the heart-quickening scenes in which Gene is rescued from a clifftop car accident, sings at the piano or demonstrates wifely affection for her bemused and distracted on-screen husband. To put it another way, when you have the privilege of seeing "the most beautiful woman in movie history" (as Darryl F. Zanuck described her) in all her glory on the screen, you can forgive any number of shortcomings the movie may otherwise have - since, in the words of Marceau Devillers, "her extraordinary presence makes her the heart and soul of every one of her films".

"I always had a thing about Gene Tierney"
(Julian Barnes, English novelist)

Gene Tierney's beauty has always attracted more attention than her qualities as an actress. You may disagree with the critic Frieda Grafe's sweeping assertion that 'her diction is monotonous', but it is true that when a script calls for a passionate outburst her intonation can sometimes be a little strained; and that in some of her early films she conceals her nervousness behind a mask-like facial inexpressiveness à la Hedy Lamarr. On the other hand, with a good director and a good role she was able to rise magnificently to the occasion - her performance in 'Laura', for example, is quite simply flawless, and her inspired incarnation of Ellen in 'Leave Her to Heaven' earned her the immediate praise of Noel Coward, and the (somewhat grudging) admiration of film critics in decades to follow. The fact that her reputation and popularity were able to survive so many second-rate films is itself, as Zanuck pointed out, sufficient testimony to her talents as an actress. With a series of unpromising scripts, and with her performances frequently bedevilled by health problems (e.g. while filming ' Belle Starr' she was suffering from an allergy, and 'The Ghost and Mrs Muir' was made while she was convalescing from a broken ankle), she acquired a reputation for professionalism that earned her the nickname 'one-take Tierney'. To sum up, she was, at the very least, a gifted and conscientious performer whose acting skills have rarely been given the recognition they deserve - perhaps owing to her own characteristic humility, but also because her physical beauty is so distracting that you seldom stop to think about the art with which she dignifies mediocre scripts and discreetly but memorably incarnates an extremely varied array of characters.

In addition to all this, she was in real life charming, intelligent and cultivated, surprisingly modest and free from malice. There are no scandalous revelations or bitchy remarks about other actors or actresses in her autobiography (perhaps that's why it's out of print): rarely does she mention a fellow entertainer without expressing respect or admiration for his or her talents. How many other Hollywood stars turned autobiographers could say the same?


An Unhappy Life

Gene Tierney was, during the 1940s, celebrated as one of the world's most beautiful women. She was also, during a lengthy period of her life, a desperately unhappy person who passively allowed herself to be treated with all the primitive methods of the psychiatric institutions in which she was repeatedly hospitalised - including 27 sessions of ECT.

That she survived all this to enjoy a relatively peaceful and contented old age in the company of her second husband, Howard Lee, surely demonstrates a remarkable strength of spirit. There can be few things more poignant than the pages in which this international Hollywood star, admired and desired by millions, describes her prolonged periods of incarceration in mental institutions during the 1950s - and her characteristically generous preoccupation, while there, with alleviating the sufferings of other less fortunate 'patients' by whatever means she could.

How could a woman made to be loved and admired, whose effortless conquests included the likes of John F. Kennedy or the millionaire Howard Hughes have come to this? Part of the answer lies in a key event in her life which seems to be drawn straight from the pages of a well-known Agatha Christie novel. In June 1943, with her marriage to Oleg Cassini interrupted by a gruelling string of wartime charity engagements, she went down with German measles; four months later she gave birth prematurely to Daria, a little girl who was soon found to be deaf-mute and mentally handicapped as a direct result of the illness caught during pregnancy. It was many years later - years of disappointment, regret, endless consultations with doctors and bills for expensive specialised care - when, quite by chance, she met a female fan who gushingly recounted how, in the throes of a German measles infection many years before, she had escaped quarantine in order to attend the wartime ‘Hollywood Canteen’ and thus make personal contact with ‘her favourite star’.

Among the other formative events in Gene’s life, she herself laid great emphasis on one which, to some people, may not seem particularly noteworthy: the discovery, during her early years as an actress, that her father had for some time been having an extramarital affair. To understand the significance of this to her, we need to remember that Gene had been brought up not only believing in strict Methodist religious principles, but looking up to her father (with his encouragement) as the living embodiment of them. For those people who like to find biographical reflections in films, it would be difficult not to draw a parallel between the oedipal obsession of Ellen in ‘Leave Her to Heaven’ (which Gene regarded as her best film) and the anguish which the discovery of her father’s imperfection seems to have caused the actress in real life. Unfortunately, this was only the first of many disappointments with men. The infidelities of her first husband, the fashion designer Oleg Cassini (which may be partly accounted for by enforced separation during the war), and the disappointing outcomes of her affairs with John F. Kennedy and international playboy Ali Khan, ensured that Gene was not to find marital stability and contentment until her second marriage, late in life, with Howard Lee , Texan oil tycoon and ex-husband of Hedy Lamarr . It is both strange and ironic that a woman worshipped by thousands of devoted admirers should have been so exceptionally unfortunate in her choice of men. Or as detective Mark MacPherson put it in ‘Laura’, 'for a charming intelligent girl, you’ve certainly surrounded yourself with a remarkable collection of dopes'...

Gene Tierney, according to the unanimous opinion of critics, studio publicists and fashion writers of her day, was ‘exotic’. What the 20th Century Fox publicists meant by this becomes clear when you consider that her film roles included an Arab princess, a Chinese girl, a Polynesian, an Argentinian, an Italian, two Russians and an Egyptian - and that even the American roles she played often had a ‘cosmopolitan’ air about them (e.g. in ‘The Mating Season’ she is characteristically cast as an ambassador’s daughter who has lived in China and who can also sing an Edith Piaf song in French with flawless pronunciation). There is certainly something Eastern, something mysterious, inscrutable and even disturbing, about the Tierney facial features. But while on the one hand the ‘teardrop shape of her eyes’ (Michael Atkinson) and her high cheekbones led to a studio obsession with her ‘Oriental’ possibilities, her entrancing elegance and refined manners meant that she was also seen as an ideal choice for a beautiful Society Lady - hence ‘Laura’. These confused and to some extent contradictory perceptions of her, on the part of her studio, perhaps explain the wide diversity of roles she was called upon to perform - grass-skirted Polynesian native, gun-toting Southern Belle, Victorian English lady, innocent wife of Russian spy, spoilt and pampered American society girl, ragged country wench, etc - as Fox struggled to find a satisfactory way of classifying and ‘marketing’ her, meanwhile regarding her as a convenient, versatile standby for second-rate films, and only rarely offering her the star roles which her reputation and popularity during the 1940s amply justified.

"She was fascinating... incredibly beautiful"
(Terenci Moix, Catalan novelist)

Michael Atkinson, in a more recent attempt at a definition, expressed the same sense of bewilderment invariably evoked by the beauty of Gene Tierney, placing her 'somewhere between... shy high school sweetheart and man-eater'. It is partly this duality, this extraordinary synthesis of sensual Oriental allure with Swiss finishing-school grace and poise, which makes her screen presence so powerful, so unique. The Tierney that we see dancing in an island clearing in ‘Son of Fury’, displays a ‘helpless sensuality’ (Frieda Grafe) that lifts the whole scene out of here's-one-for-the-tourists staginess and into the realms of erotic myth. Those coyly lowered eyes, sideways shimmy, that sudden smile - the celebrated Tierney overbite - all combine to make up what must be one of the most alluring scenes in 1940s cinema. But if she knew how to be devastatingly sexy, she also knew how to be elegant ('The Razor's Edge'), mysterious ('Laura'), passionate ('Shanghai Gesture') or even wicked and perverse ('Leave Her to Heaven')... What Gene Tierney had, in fact, was a mixture of apparently contradictory qualities which no other actress before or since has succeeded in combining in quite the same way - refinement, charm, innocence, sensuality, a timeless beauty... And if all this were not enough, the fact that she appears in two undisputed film classics - ‘Laura’ and ‘The Ghost and Mrs Muir’ - accompanied by two of the finest film scores (by David Raksin and Bernard Herrmann, respectively) Hollywood has yet produced - guarantees that she will never be forgotten as long as successive generations of audiences are given the chance to fall in love all over again with 'Laura... the face in the misty light'.

Wednesday, January 18, 2006

Scare"old"crow



I put it back up just to bug the "cop" calling woman across the street.

Tuesday, January 17, 2006

My name is Ron -Squirt, Squirt.

It felt "dirty"
While I do enjoy the odd day off now and again I do not enjoy having weeks off at a time. This pain started on the 28th of December and has not gone away. It first felt like my kidneys. Pain in the lower back Deep pain on both sides. The pain would be dull then become a wonderfully brilliant stabbing pain in the left flank. This got so bad I went to the Emergancy Room. That proved fruitless except for the perscription for Vicadin.
This wonderful pain has continued. Last Friday I finally got to see my doctor who scolded me for 1. not continuing with my HIV meds. 2. not seeing the specialist she referred me to. Well doctor... to answer the first question My insurance is so ucked up that i could not see the specists i have been seeing since 1998. 2. the specialist she referred me to was a doctor (one of two) that i will NOT see. The guy called me a capricious prick on the last visit. While i can be a jerk I thought this was unwarrented so i promptly changed doctors within that office. Everything had been fine after that. until last year when she told me the insurance will only cover me seeing this one doctor who doent like me too much. Fuck that. So I foolishly went of meds until i could get another insurance (job). I got another job but ... yeahaw the same goddamn insurance! So enough of that story. The doctor says my spleen is swolen along with all my lymph nodes.
That friday, I had to make an appointment to have an MRI that would occur this morning. (ya still with me?) It turns out it was not an MRI but an ultra-sound. This leads me to believe the pain is not an organ but an alien baby. I did not get to see the screen but the guy “Ron” was very who was doing the ultrasound was very nice. A little creepy but nice. He said that he will be “doing the entire abdomen” and that’s what he did. He covered my entire stomach with warm KY jelly. Now this being the first check up on my first alien baby this should have felt like a new sensation. It felt uncomfortably familiar. Ron, I think, was on auto-pilot and using his pre-natal bedside manner. Most of the ultra-sound patients I was waiting with had little slips of blue and white paper that said things like “14 weeks”or “2nd trimester (date #). “
So Ron had this creepy, quite tone to his voice. “Hi, I’m Ron I’ll be helping you today”
He shook my hand like he was glad to meet the mother of an unborn child. Ron sounded like an undertaker.

So he glops warm jizz onto my belly and starts rubbing this scanner into my gut.
When he finally gets to the part that has been hurting he says “so where has this pain been?” “Right where you are right now Ron.”
”hmm”
So I now wait for the ultrasound to go off to a radiologist and then to my doctor then I wait for my doctor to call my ass up and tell me they are going to have to do a c-section.

Sunday, January 15, 2006

flickr


Ok i can now upload pictures to my flickr account.
So far there are only two and they are of my cat. Expect more pictures of my cat to come.

Friday, January 13, 2006

Spleen what the hell do i need that for?

what the hell is that pain!
Well the doctor has determined that i have an enlarged spleen. Possible mono that has gone on for a while or its the ol' immune system chugging along without the aid of antivirals. I have been HIV positive for something and have chosen not to be on any meds for about two years. It may be time to go back on them. She also noted that my lymph nodes are swollen and the pain she inflicted while poking at them would confirm that they are.

I go in for some sort of mri on tuesday. in the mean time I need to take it easy. I cant take it more easy without going into a coma. This is as easy as i can take it without going nuts.

Wednesday, January 11, 2006

heped up on goofballs

"IT" covers up the hole in the chair.

Hi there.

So I'm on pain killers and not able to drive. I'm going to see my doctor this friday. Hopefully we can determine what is causing this pain and be done with it. I'm not happy with being sick. I dont like it. I'd much rather be busy at work than sleeping right now. There was a time in my life i would have loved to sleep all day but this is not that time. I have things to do and being doped up is not helping me accomplish them. (having stabbing pain is the alternative)

It was a lovely day. Nice and warm but not too warm.
I tried to hook the playstation online but I cant seem to figure it out. Its a great time waster. But it seems all i have is time right now so why not hook the damn thing up to the internet and have some 12 year old in idaho humiliate me with a game. The 12 year old will have to wait or send me intructions on how to hook this thing up.

Ok its time for me to go to bed.
Have a wonderful day ...everyone.

Sunday, January 08, 2006

Waking up in los angeles (he he he)

As I leave the old apartment behind I feel like i'm stepping into a role that has existed. Think of a soap opera. You know when they replace a long running actor with a new actor but they are playing the same role. Thats what it feels like. I feel the neighbors would accept the change better if i just tended to the lawn and said "hi" once a week. The move I think disrupped the chi of the 'hood. I can see that the fine woman across the street (not the one with the big ass tree. the one to the right of her.) is going to be my special "project" I can say without hesitation she is a passive agressive lil cuss.
I committed what is known as a cardinal neighborhood sin. I moved her trash cans closer to her driveway so I could park a large horse trailer that was being used to move furniture. It took her about 45 seconds to be in her shoes and grab her purse and be in my face.

"uh, (cough cough) um, hi... I see you moved my trash cans..."

"yeah were just parking this here for the night"

"um well I see you moved my trash cans and I HAVE a car that I NEED to park here and another one too so... do you think those two cars will fit in the space between this HUGE trailer and my (trash) cans"

(i look around and there are like a zillion places for a damn car to park on the street!)

"um yeah, were parking this here"

She walked away. Couldn't help but notice her keys looked an awful lot like a can of mace.

She called the cops.
I guess in the new city you are not allowed to park anything that as the ticket reads : A LARGE VEHICLE OR BOAT.
i just think that so odd.

She came up the next day after we moved the furniture into the house. My sister had driven this trailer out from the middle of the damn country to pick up a classic car and take it back. She was kind enough to help me move from the old place to the new. We were loading up the car into the trailer and SHE comes poking around.

"oh no animals?"

"no" I said trying to sound nice but not doing a good job.

"furniture was just moved in and now the car goes"

"oh"

I have no idea what she thinks is going on but I can see that republican woodburning brain of hers just got another log thrown on it. I can see she is watching the house so I put my full size vampire statue in the balcony window just behind the curtains. It looks like someone is staring at her house... but you cant quite make out who it is. It actuall was pretty creepy so i took it down this morning and put it in storage. I promised I would put out any halloween items until October. I'm doing my best to keep the stuff hidden. But if that damn woman pushes me I'll be putting tombstones on her perfect little postage stamp size lawn!

The neighbor next door is great. I love her. She seems well grounded and not ... constipated like the biddy across the street.

Maybe I'll bring the across the street woman her some cookies or something. Or maybe loosen the wheels on her trashcans.

I will now refer to her as Circular Driveway. (a big "C")

Gotta go. its 11am on sunday and I have some mowing and neighbor glaring to do.

Tuesday, January 03, 2006

lamprey getting healthy




I'm on my way to work.
The pain is worse today. If it gets any worse than this i'll have to go to the hospital. I'm not looking forward to that. I'm avoiding that at all costs.
Key word is COST there.

Hey did Brokeback Mountain do any thing to make my healthcare better? UHNOOOOO! So there is another thing that movie failed to do.

see ya.

Monday, January 02, 2006

I see by your outfit that you are a cowboy. Well I see by YOUR outfit that your a Cowboy too!


I can enjoy films.
I have enjoyed films.
I can say that I actually have loved a film or two.
Does that mean that I must have really enjoyed BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN?

Hell no.
It was weak on story. The characters were spineless and could not fight for what they wanted. Everyone in the film gives up. Not one person is strong enough to stand up for what they want. When someone does stand up for what they want they back down as soon as they realize they want it. I did cry at the end. That goddamn shirt. How convenient it was in his “childhood” room. It was so unbelievable I was thinking it was the “other” guys imagination. Perhaps the shirt wasn’t real. An imagined memento. It still got to me. Forgive me if you love this film. I don’t want to take anything away from the film you imagined you saw. This was not ground breaking. This was a timely release. Along with the flood of other gay friendly entertainment. I can almost say with certainty that gay cinema has a resurgence every 7 to 8 years. The cowboy movie also seems to have that pattern. Perhaps this indeed was the year to combine them both.

Don’t get me wrong I didn’t hate the film…
I just think if there was a story it would have been better.

Now let me tell you that going to the movies for me is not a pleasant experience. My damn knees start hurting about 1 hour into the film EVERYTIME! It has something to do with the height of a theater chair. My legs cramp up. So I have to take that into consideration when I see a movie at a theater. Will this movie be good enough to distract me from the pain?
After the first sex scene I wasn’t so much aware of my leg pain as I was of the 7 year old kid to my left with his mom and baseball cap wearing fat-ass mouthbreathing roundfaced dad. I don’t think they knew what this film was about. I tried to look at them after that scene but couldn’t’ do it without causing a ruckus.
Who the fuck in their right mind would take their 7 year old son to a movie… ok so the MATRIX is not much better but… come on!

I cant wait for the porn knock off title…

Bareback Mount Him.
Come on… you know you were thinking it.

first the pain then the rain (no spain no plane)


I have been off work since Friday afternoon. I thought I’d be able to move some more things over to the house from the apartment. No such luck. It is pouring down rain. The wind is kicking up and I have this fear the windows will blow open and the inside of the house will get soaked. I’m waiting for the wind to die down so I can run out to the store for some food. I have been experiencing a new and not so fun kind of pain for the past few days. Its like a pain in my kidneys . It hurts like hell when I lie down. I’ve been drinking water and eating less and less. I’m down to yogurt and (if my plan works) if the pain goes away I’ll just live off of yogurt and water for the rest of my life. I feel that its a food problem. My stomach is upset too so I don’t want to eat anything that I may have the misfortune of re-enjoying later.
I picture a lamprey eating around inside my body. Creating a nice little bacteria lined expressway from my kidneys to my stomach.