Waking up in los angeles (he he he)
As I leave the old apartment behind I feel like i'm stepping into a role that has existed. Think of a soap opera. You know when they replace a long running actor with a new actor but they are playing the same role. Thats what it feels like. I feel the neighbors would accept the change better if i just tended to the lawn and said "hi" once a week. The move I think disrupped the chi of the 'hood. I can see that the fine woman across the street (not the one with the big ass tree. the one to the right of her.) is going to be my special "project" I can say without hesitation she is a passive agressive lil cuss.
I committed what is known as a cardinal neighborhood sin. I moved her trash cans closer to her driveway so I could park a large horse trailer that was being used to move furniture. It took her about 45 seconds to be in her shoes and grab her purse and be in my face.
"uh, (cough cough) um, hi... I see you moved my trash cans..."
"yeah were just parking this here for the night"
"um well I see you moved my trash cans and I HAVE a car that I NEED to park here and another one too so... do you think those two cars will fit in the space between this HUGE trailer and my (trash) cans"
(i look around and there are like a zillion places for a damn car to park on the street!)
"um yeah, were parking this here"
She walked away. Couldn't help but notice her keys looked an awful lot like a can of mace.
She called the cops.
I guess in the new city you are not allowed to park anything that as the ticket reads : A LARGE VEHICLE OR BOAT.
i just think that so odd.
She came up the next day after we moved the furniture into the house. My sister had driven this trailer out from the middle of the damn country to pick up a classic car and take it back. She was kind enough to help me move from the old place to the new. We were loading up the car into the trailer and SHE comes poking around.
"oh no animals?"
"no" I said trying to sound nice but not doing a good job.
"furniture was just moved in and now the car goes"
"oh"
I have no idea what she thinks is going on but I can see that republican woodburning brain of hers just got another log thrown on it. I can see she is watching the house so I put my full size vampire statue in the balcony window just behind the curtains. It looks like someone is staring at her house... but you cant quite make out who it is. It actuall was pretty creepy so i took it down this morning and put it in storage. I promised I would put out any halloween items until October. I'm doing my best to keep the stuff hidden. But if that damn woman pushes me I'll be putting tombstones on her perfect little postage stamp size lawn!
The neighbor next door is great. I love her. She seems well grounded and not ... constipated like the biddy across the street.
Maybe I'll bring the across the street woman her some cookies or something. Or maybe loosen the wheels on her trashcans.
I will now refer to her as Circular Driveway. (a big "C")
Gotta go. its 11am on sunday and I have some mowing and neighbor glaring to do.
I committed what is known as a cardinal neighborhood sin. I moved her trash cans closer to her driveway so I could park a large horse trailer that was being used to move furniture. It took her about 45 seconds to be in her shoes and grab her purse and be in my face.
"uh, (cough cough) um, hi... I see you moved my trash cans..."
"yeah were just parking this here for the night"
"um well I see you moved my trash cans and I HAVE a car that I NEED to park here and another one too so... do you think those two cars will fit in the space between this HUGE trailer and my (trash) cans"
(i look around and there are like a zillion places for a damn car to park on the street!)
"um yeah, were parking this here"
She walked away. Couldn't help but notice her keys looked an awful lot like a can of mace.
She called the cops.
I guess in the new city you are not allowed to park anything that as the ticket reads : A LARGE VEHICLE OR BOAT.
i just think that so odd.
She came up the next day after we moved the furniture into the house. My sister had driven this trailer out from the middle of the damn country to pick up a classic car and take it back. She was kind enough to help me move from the old place to the new. We were loading up the car into the trailer and SHE comes poking around.
"oh no animals?"
"no" I said trying to sound nice but not doing a good job.
"furniture was just moved in and now the car goes"
"oh"
I have no idea what she thinks is going on but I can see that republican woodburning brain of hers just got another log thrown on it. I can see she is watching the house so I put my full size vampire statue in the balcony window just behind the curtains. It looks like someone is staring at her house... but you cant quite make out who it is. It actuall was pretty creepy so i took it down this morning and put it in storage. I promised I would put out any halloween items until October. I'm doing my best to keep the stuff hidden. But if that damn woman pushes me I'll be putting tombstones on her perfect little postage stamp size lawn!
The neighbor next door is great. I love her. She seems well grounded and not ... constipated like the biddy across the street.
Maybe I'll bring the across the street woman her some cookies or something. Or maybe loosen the wheels on her trashcans.
I will now refer to her as Circular Driveway. (a big "C")
Gotta go. its 11am on sunday and I have some mowing and neighbor glaring to do.
posted by Gavin Elster at 10:03 AM
5 Comments:
Lol, that's great about the vampire statue. Clever! :)
Good luck with Circular Driveway. I hope it doesn't become too painful a relationship. ;)
J
Thanks. I dont want to upset anyone but i also don't like her nose in my business. Perhaps i will really bring her cookies. That always makes people happy.
I need one of those statues!
No no no. must be nice to the poor republican. For she knows not the wrong she is doing. Does a dog know its not socially acceptible to sniff a crotch? Does a bird know its not ok to shit on your car? This poor innocent animal must be allowed to do whatever it is that comes naturally to her. Like ... peek out her window at me. Thats just what republican neighbors do. I will allow her to continue her routine. (wow the vicadin i got for my back pain is really kicking in!)
I decided to leave her alone and not stir the pot.
I'll introduce myself the next time I see her.
Post a Comment
<< Home