My name is Ron -Squirt, Squirt.

It felt "dirty"
While I do enjoy the odd day off now and again I do not enjoy having weeks off at a time. This pain started on the 28th of December and has not gone away. It first felt like my kidneys. Pain in the lower back Deep pain on both sides. The pain would be dull then become a wonderfully brilliant stabbing pain in the left flank. This got so bad I went to the Emergancy Room. That proved fruitless except for the perscription for Vicadin.
This wonderful pain has continued. Last Friday I finally got to see my doctor who scolded me for 1. not continuing with my HIV meds. 2. not seeing the specialist she referred me to. Well doctor... to answer the first question My insurance is so ucked up that i could not see the specists i have been seeing since 1998. 2. the specialist she referred me to was a doctor (one of two) that i will NOT see. The guy called me a capricious prick on the last visit. While i can be a jerk I thought this was unwarrented so i promptly changed doctors within that office. Everything had been fine after that. until last year when she told me the insurance will only cover me seeing this one doctor who doent like me too much. Fuck that. So I foolishly went of meds until i could get another insurance (job). I got another job but ... yeahaw the same goddamn insurance! So enough of that story. The doctor says my spleen is swolen along with all my lymph nodes.
That friday, I had to make an appointment to have an MRI that would occur this morning. (ya still with me?) It turns out it was not an MRI but an ultra-sound. This leads me to believe the pain is not an organ but an alien baby. I did not get to see the screen but the guy “Ron” was very who was doing the ultrasound was very nice. A little creepy but nice. He said that he will be “doing the entire abdomen” and that’s what he did. He covered my entire stomach with warm KY jelly. Now this being the first check up on my first alien baby this should have felt like a new sensation. It felt uncomfortably familiar. Ron, I think, was on auto-pilot and using his pre-natal bedside manner. Most of the ultra-sound patients I was waiting with had little slips of blue and white paper that said things like “14 weeks”or “2nd trimester (date #). “
So Ron had this creepy, quite tone to his voice. “Hi, I’m Ron I’ll be helping you today”
He shook my hand like he was glad to meet the mother of an unborn child. Ron sounded like an undertaker.

So he glops warm jizz onto my belly and starts rubbing this scanner into my gut.
When he finally gets to the part that has been hurting he says “so where has this pain been?” “Right where you are right now Ron.”
”hmm”
So I now wait for the ultrasound to go off to a radiologist and then to my doctor then I wait for my doctor to call my ass up and tell me they are going to have to do a c-section.