Welcome to Disneyland, The Happiest Place on Earth*

Today Scott and I took a break from making movies and decided to head down to Disneyland. Thanks to a friend we had two “friend passes” to visit the employee only "Company D" store. The store is in an industrial park just south of DL. This store features all the overstock and discontinued items in the park. If you e-bay it’s a goldmine! I picked up a charming baseball cap that has the word “QUEEN” embroidered on the front. It has a picture of the Queen from Snow White on the side and not as visible as the word QUEEN. Gee...Why was this discontinued?
I got out of the store with 3 items just over 15 bucks. If I had bought this junk in the park it would have been 45 buck easy. Scott got a snazzy shirt (its really cool if you can believe it) and a few gifts.
So, 11:00 A.m. and we are off to the park!

Sunday at Disneyland is really quite special. Why? Well it’s the charming people that go there on a Sunday. You see they have several types of annual passes at the Magic Kingdom. The most cost efficient being the “Southern California Resident” pass. This pass is not valid on Saturdays and has huge block out dates. So it seems that every cheap ass So Cal resident comes to Disneyland on a Sunday.

These folks are a special breed of ugly. Obese, rude, demanding, child beating, churro chomping kind of folk. Most wear clothes a toddler wouldn’t be caught dead in.
These annual passholders are what Scott refers to as “Passholes”

“Passholes” will block your path as you try to get … anywhere. They demand special treatment due to their unnatural ugliness. I saw a large one escape the park thru an access gate simply because she didn’t want to walk ten yards to the exit. Another demanded they eat NOW because she is starving.

I am proud to be one of the Passholes. I’m in such good company.



In fact, I'm so proud I wanted to share some of my fond memories of my trip to The Magic Kingdom with you.
Please visit my profile and click on my new blog entitled THE MAJESTIC BUTTERHORN.

Americans are truly ugly people.


*if you love ugly, poorly dressed, rude mother fuckers.

Shoot Day Three

Proof there is a God (with Kirk Cameron)

Well...
Other explinations?

It's proof the aliens we were spawned from brought fruit trees with them.

It proves that bananas are the only fruit God created. Clearly other fruits that are not easy to open have come from the Devil. Kiwi being the most sinful of fruits.

It proves that even people who have the lord all up in them get tweaked out.

It proves that being a child star won't help you when your an adult. The banana gets more face-time.

It proves that Cathoholics think the world is theres and everything in it was made for them. Heaven is theres and everything in it is being made for them and still... THEY want your soul "to save it". Sounds pretty fuckin evil to me! Greedy bastards.

it proves Animals have no souls if the Banana was made for hu-mans hand. Why would God waste his time making something for a soul-less animal? Oh I guess thats me.

Everthing he says could CLEARLY be said about a penis. (But we all knew that. So did he. )

This video does not explain why God created: Cancer, Aids, World hunger, George Bush, or explosive violent diarrhea.

The only thing that could, COULD be proof that there is a God is if this guy shoved a banana up Kirk Cameron's ass on camera.

Full service suicide.

It seems that The Grove Mall is taking a tip from Fox news.
COVER-UP and only report happy news.

This week a man drove into the parking stucture and used the valet service to park his car. Instead of grabbing a latte he proceeded to the 8th floor of the parking stucture and lept to his death.

No news. No sirens. No microwave truck with 3rd tier news reporter. Nothing. Just a simple body removal. They treated this as if the restroom had flooded. GAP customers bought Khakis while a man lay broken on the pavement a few yards away.

A source at the mall says this isn't the first time. While I have been a trifle bit gullible the past few days I know this incident to be true.
Yet I cannot find one single article on it. What else goes on there? I admit for a mall it seems virtually crime free. I should say I've never heard of anything happpining there that was not a spectacular show based around buying more white man crap.

Who is the Devil covering up these events? How can one be so powerful as to not have the death of a man broadcast on a radio scanner that NEWS trucks monitor? After all, C.B.S. is right next door. How do they keep this from the neighbors? What kind of a person would have the power to use city workers to cover up a tragic event like this? Who would profit from keeping the horrible truth from reaching the public?

Perhaps the answer lies in the with the creator/owner of The Grove Mall, Mr. Rick Caruso. Just a peak at his resume will give you a hint at what type of person could do just that.

Lets look at his resume' and his affiliations:




As L.A. Business Journal's "Developer of the Year," the past President of the Police Commission for the City of Los Angeles, Conejo Valley's "Man of the Year," and the youngest Commissioner for the Los Angeles Department of Water and Power (DWP) in the city's history, Rick Caruso has earned his reputation as an extraordinary businessman and a compassionate member of the community.

Before entering the real estate development industry, Mr. Caruso was "Of Counsel" to one of the country's largest law firms as a member of the corporate finance department until 1988.

Mr. Caruso received a Bachelor of Science Degree with honors from the University of Southern California in 1980, and graduated from Pepperdine University School of Law in 1983 with his Juris Doctor degree. During his law school career, Mr. Caruso was designated a Brock Scholar. In 1995, he was recognized as the Alumnus of the Year from Pepperdine School of Law.

Mr. Caruso has lectured on real estate issues at the Kennedy School of Public Administration at Harvard University, the University of Southern California School of Policy, Planning, and Development, and the Pacific Resources 1997 Conference.

He has guest lectured at the Lusk Center for Real Estate Development at the University of Southern California, and the Urban Land Institute. He participates annually as a guest panelist for the International Council of Shopping Centers (ICSC). He is also a member of the Urban Land Institute and International Council of Shopping Centers.

Mr. Caruso's commitment to developing high-quality retail centers that push the bounds of the industry has earned him numerous awards, including:

HUMANITARIAN OF THE YEAR (2001)
House Ear Institute

ICSC'S 24TH INTERNATIONAL DESIGN & DEVELOPMENT AWARD (2000)
Innovative Design & Construction of a New Project for the Commons at Calabasas

URBAN LAND INSTITUTE AWARD OF EXCELLENCE (1999)
The Commons at Calabasas

HUMANITARIAN OF THE YEAR (1999)
National Conference for Community and Justice

SHELDON W. ANDELSON AWARD (1999)
"Building Beautiful Places that Enhance our Communities"

ICSC'S 22ND INTERNATIONAL DESIGN & DEVELOPMENT AWARD, INNOVATIVE DESIGN & CONSTRUCTION OF A NEW PROJECT (1998)
The Promenade at Westlake

MAN OF THE YEAR (1997)
Conejo Valley Chamber of Commerce

GOLD NUGGET GRAND AWARD (1997)
Best Commercial Project for Retail; Promenade at Westlake

DEVELOPER OF THE YEAR (1996)
L. A. Business Journal

Mr. Caruso is actively involved in numerous community organizations and is a member of the following:

Board of Councilors, University of Southern California School of Policy, Planning and Development
Board of Governors, L.A. Children's Museum
Board of Directors, California Medical Center Foundation
Pepperdine School of Law Board of Visitors
National Institute of Transplantation
Saint John’s Hospital

He is a dangerous man folks.

Rick "The Silencer" Caruso.
The man behind the creation of The Grove Mall seen with Santa.

A HARD DAYS NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD.

THANKS JAMIE!

Gypsies

Gypsies have such a rich nomadic culture. I don’t know where these people come from or where they are going. Uprooted from a homeland for reasons to horrible to explore. In search of a new home that does not exist.
If films have taught me anything a gypsy is someone who seems to enjoy the dank cold of a leafless, muddied forest. Perhaps they travel from town to town in the Carpathian Mountains telling fortunes. Riding in covered wagons draped in pots and pans. Half-blind women wearing Stevie Nicks shawls with men who dress like dancing monkeys. They palm read or crystal ball gaze for pennies from passing strangers. Feeding off the gardens of the rich. Camping in the fog far from the towns who shun them. Who are these people? Where do they come from? Hungarian wanderers with the power to curse people.



Even a Man Who is Pure of Heart,
And Says His Prayers by Night,
Can Become a Wolf when the Wolfbane Blooms
And the Moon is Full and Bright.

Poor Larry Talbot had no idea his fate was sealed with these words. Larry, I weep for you. A tortured soul. After a chance meeting with a gypsy was doomed to a life of murder, madness and the desire for his own death. Sequels later he was still a cursed man. His only desire was for someone to kill him. The cure was in his blood. The curse echoed in his head and sometimes even escaped his own lips. Death was the only way out for Larry. Gypsies were powerful then.

Then in 1963 gypsies were portrayed in a different light.
They were the hot-blooded fighting women. The new Amazons. Ready to kill for honor and not afraid to die at the hands of an equal. Exotic beauties that seemed to speak with disembodied voices. Cara tu Cara they fight with all the hairpulling fury of a Russ Meyer film. Objects to entertain the misogonist Brittish not so-secret agent. The show during dinner. Gypsy women were sexy and gypsy men knew how to exploit them.







Today gypsies hang out of passenger-side windows and ask if you want the body damage to your Nissan fixed cheap and fast.

What happened?

Shoot Day Two

It could not have gone better. I am truly amazed by our cast. They are wonderful actors. All have intense focus and it seems that nothing will break their concentration. The day went as planned if not faster than expected. The shot I have included here is of a rehersal. Our DP and assist are a fantatsic team. These guys set up shots quickly and give tons of options. They know to roll during rehersals and use that time to catch coverage. I'm so happy about this film. Our day started at 7:30am with mimosas and homemade scones, tea and some fruit. We started shooing about 845am and were done by 11:30am. Thanks to the skillful direction of Scott Mabbutt we were able to bust thru pages of dialog at a record clip.

Next friday we are back to shooting at our Absinthe bar!

from dogwelder's bananahead series

If I had to put bananas on my head this is how it would look.

Call for Help?

It's 3:30am and I was forced awake by a phone call. It was an ex-coworker drunk off his ass.
His name popped up on the caller i.d. but aparently he had no idea who he dialed. Alot of" WHOSHIH who... WHO'sthis." going on in this call.
I asked him if he was ok and All I could get out of him was ...was something like this:
"NAHOWA I'M NOT O.KAAAYYYY. I'MA BYEEEE THE SIDE OF THE ROAD IN A DITCH TAKEN FIRE INEED A CHOPPER TO GET ME OUTTA HERE. Oh shit you not...(girfriend) ... i'll call ya back"

No thats ok.

He was trying to call his girlfriend. Why i'm in his phone is a mystery to me.

uh... nam guy... you misdialed.

Cowboys and Illness

Tonight I watched MIDINIGHT COWBOY for the second time in my life.
The last time was over 20 years ago. I know that the catalyst for seeing it the last time was simply because it was the only X-rated film to win an academy award. Times have changed and for the moment it is R-rated. Who knows with the current sociopolitical climate what this film will be rated in the future if viewable at all.
I was planning on pointing out similarities between this and BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN but there are none. The relationship between Joe Buck and Ratso Rizzo is not so much a love affair as I remember.
This viewing brought on a whole new dimension to the film.
When Joe meets Ratso its clear both of them are unsuccessful hustlers. Ratso is clearly sick with an unknown affliction. He refused to get medical treatment. This hit a little too close to home for me. This viewing was painful. With HIV and AIDS a part of my life this was a tough watch indeed. The two characters are drawn together out of necessity and the relationship grows from there. No one has cared for Ratzo No one will. Ratzo has successfully pulled off the biggest hustle of his life by befriending Joe. It’s a huge achievement for the character. Joe in turn get… gets nothing but a life experience. An experience that clearly continues after the film ends. Both men dreamers in a predictable world. A world they both claim to know but somehow they just don’t get. This film stands the test of time and is ,I feel, more relivent today than when it was originally released.

SOAPBOX ALERT!! SOAPBOX ALERT!!

My theory about film is this:
Anything that was popular during the vienam war era can be popular today. The policical climate is more less the same. Hence the success of BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN. While not a great film and clearly not as well acted as MIDNIGHT COWBOY it does reach an audience. If this were relased again as is i think it would have a brief but successful run. SONY should look into that!
It seems that several films from that era have been remade. All with moderate to great succsess. I think that if someone were to release a rip off of MASH or ONE FLEW OVER THE CUCKOOS NEST it would be successful.

END SOAPBOX ALERT.

So if Jack Twist suffered an illness it may have been a better film for me. Sick (no pun) but true.

Valley plays

A few years back Scott, my film partner, agreed to videotape a local play as a favor to the playhouse.
I somehow was urged to see the play and see exactly what this play was about. I’m not one for local theater. I do enjoy a play or two here and there but this was not to be one of those times.
The theater was located on a main street in North Hollywood. The play had such promise it should have used a venue in West Toluca Lake. Perhaps they had bingo at the church and they had to do this play in North Hollywood.
The playhouse was an odd little storefront in what looks like blocks and blocks of storefronts. You know… Vacuum repair, travel agency, insurance broker, shower door repair, tombstones, sewing machine repair, and abandoned store kind of blocks. Flat, one story tan buildings with widows that have years of black street dirt caked in the corners. This playhouse must have been some sort of storefront years ago but it now houses the dreams of the hopeful and starry eyed.
We entered what was a very uncomfortably small theater. You had to walk across the black painted concrete stage floor to reach your metal folding chair located somewhere on the creaking plywood risers. The smell was that of plywood and mold mixed with tinge of adult boozer armpit. Thank god this place had air conditioning.
The play started with a woman sitting atop a plywood black box. A utility prop to be used throughout the show. Since there was no damn way they could have a set erected in the 5’ x 15’ painted concrete stage this box got reused several times. This was its stunning debut. As the woman in her new age hippie getup straddles the box as if she is in a lithium enhanced trance she screams at the top of her lungs.
AAAAAAAgggggHHHHHHH! “ I… AM MOoooTHEEEEERRRRRRR EEEEEAARTTTTTTHHHH!
She then proceeds to reach between her legs and into a little hole cut into the front of the box. From that little slit in the plywood she extracts what can only be described as some sort of Keith Herring Beanie Baby. She cradles it lovingly with both hands as if she is holding handfuls of rose petals. She then blows on the doll. I assume she is blowing life into this fuckin' thing but I’m still in shock from her I AM MOTHER EARTH yell.
Mind you this whole process takes about 2 minutes so it now feels like I’ve been there for 45 minutes. She lays the beanie baby down and repositions herself on the box facing stage left and pulls another kid from her box. Faces right, and another fuckin kid. Faces the back wall and does the same. Mother earth now has the whole set of beanie babies.
Red Brown Yellow and Whiter than White Whitey White. I sunk into a deep depression knowing I was trapped for as long as they felt it was needed to do whatever it was I was watching. I played games like:
What role is the box playing now?
Some answers to that would be:
Kitchen table
Counter at a convenience mart
Casket for a dead child.

Or my favorite game:
Who in the audience will die when the fire breaks out.
Answers:
Me.
Everyone but me.
Me along with all of these sad actors.

While I was told this play was a little over two hours I felt like I had just watched Peter Brook’s MAHABARATA twice.
The play ended up to be a racially charged musical based on the killing of a black girl by a korean grocer. A misunderstanding over orange juice that resulted in tragedy. A story that was in the LA times about 5 years prior to the performance of this play.

Thats right I said IT WAS A MUSICAL!

I am mother earth to 7-11 in the hood. What an ambitious project that was.

As we tried to leave the proprietor of this theater came out to ask what we thought and what we did for a living. We decided to dodge the first question. Scott covers brilliantly and tells her that he is a documentarian. I believe her name was Kathy. Kathy was wearing a denim oversized oxford shirt with Kitties embroidered on it. A little rolly polly woman with glasses and fat Zinfandel fingers. She cleverly sported what I’d perceived as the ageing theater broad haircut.

Kathy was a smooth talker.

Oh you make documentaries? So do I… Of course my first love ISSS the theeh AHH ter. In fact I’m in the middle of making an award winning documentary right now.
Its about…
And that’s where my memory fades or I saw something shiney.

I’ll never forget that night. I’ll never forget that fat little sausage telling me she is in the middle of making an award winning documentary.

Pictures from the first night of shooting

Our underground absinthe bar speakeasy set coming together.


The Unholy Trinity of Vampires
I cant tell you how pleased I am with our cast. Outstanding performances from each one of them.

Myself, Scott the Director and John an actor in the film

He see's you when you're sleeping

Happy Easter.

I awoke to find that a face had appeared in my drapes. What kind of Easter trickery is this! Now if I were a person who had some sort of religion I would say its the face of JESUS... But alas... I thought it looked like a SLEESTAK from LAND OF THE LOST.

or...
A puppy's head perhaps painted by Keene.
Or...
It's just a fuckin' shadow on the drapes and I've been drinking.

...Liquor in the rear

The fun begins! WHOOO HOOOO!
So we are filming this Saturday at an (or is it “a”) historical landmark building. We are turning it into a fictional “specialty” bar for the film. Our cast is ready to get to work.
The great news is that we have a returning actor from our previous film PREDATORS FROM BEYOND NEPTUNE working on our first day. That’s a great way to start a shoot with familiar faces and new folk. The 4 main leads have never worked with us but it’s clear we are all on the same page. Our productions have always been small crews with everyone pitching in to do a little of everything. These new folk are welcome addition to our production family. As usual the “Boozinator” will be on hand for all to enjoy. Every shoot I have done with this director we have had apple martini’s on tap. In no way do I support overindulgence and driving. So if anyone drinks its at their own risk. I wash my hands of anyone’s fate. With that being said BOOZE and WORK go great together! That boozebucket will carry thru to the opening of the film. We make some sort of silly sparkletts water bottle booze dispenser for every shoot. I should save these things but… It’s fun to make a new one for each film. Nothing better than making movies and not remembering anything the next day.
Its what I call The Dick Van-Dyke method.


Not only do I have the pleasure of producing this film I seem to have been wrangled into playing a barfly. (no stretch there) Fun fun fun I tells ya!

heelo zombie

It had been sitting outside for about a year. Pinatas don't usually have that long a lifespan. I just had to have my picture taken with it.

I cried too.

Weddings are wonderful events. I’m floored that a simple event like proclaiming your love can move so many people to tears. Their vows, which they wrote themselves, were beautiful and from the heart. They could not have had it on a more glorious day like today. Truly perfect in every sense.

hitched in 06

Tomorrow is the wedding of Luke and Katherine. It’s about time. They dated in high school. They sort of went their separate ways and then … 20 years later they decide to get married.
GOOD ON YA! I don’t think I have ever seen Luke cry “happy” tears before. He did at the wedding rehearsal. Wow. I forgot what a powerful thing making a relationship official can be. Kinda makes me want to get married to see if I can have tears of joy.
It’s about time. They understand each other and work well together as a team.
I wish them all the best in their new official life together.

What the Hell was wrong with Preston Sturges

I sat down and watched SULLIVANS’S TRAVELS the other day. It took no time at all for me to be uncomfortable with this film. Preston Sturges the writer and director of this “classic” sure did a bang up job with this comedy-with-just-a-dash-of-reality moving picture. It is the tale of a Hollywood film-maker who decides his next picture should not be a comedy. Sully the director in the film wants to make OH BROTHER WHERE ART THOU. He wants to show the plight of the common man. Not some fluffy comedy that his executives push for him to create. So this Sully guy decided to get his bum on. He treats his rags as if they were wardrobe. “Is this poor looking to you?” “How poor does this look.” Not too far along the way he meets Veronica Lake in a café and they are off on the wildest bum adventure two Hollywood types could ever have. Veronica Lake can be seen here in all her Lakey glory. She was a beauty but you could see some sort of damage coming thru her performance. Something wasn’t right. As for Joel McCrea he is just a clown of a man as Sullivan. The film seems to be masquerading as a screwball comedy until Sully gets mugged and thrown into a boxcar to skidsville. Horrors! He gets thrown into the pokey without the usual morning sinker and joe. Double Horrors!
His memory fuzzy from a blow to the head he cant seem to defend himself while on trial for , who cares… he gets stuck on a chain-gang and is forced to live OH BROTHER WHERE ART THOU.

Who cares Preston Sturges?
Listen to me Preston! I’m a man from the future so I know what I’m talking about!

You were an ass. You were clearly a dime store heel who somehow fell into money. You just had to make “your story” only you didn’t have the balls to do it. Why the hell couldn’t you strap on a sack and do your own story? SULLIVAN’S TRAVELS was nothing more than a republicans view of what a democrat is. It left a very bad lingering taste .

I guess I have to thank you for at least one thing Preston:
Thank you for showing me that political climates are circular and we are fast approaching your time again.