The Day The Wookiee Cried.

The Star Wars Holiday Special was an event every kid in the U.S. and of A could not miss. Almost 1 year to the day after the films release the most popular film of all time was to have a thanksgiving Holiday special. C.B.S. was convinced that they had a sure fire holiday tradition that will endure for generations. Just like The Wizard of Oz aired each Christmas season to the delight of children and adults this too would sink into an annual spot and children make it a ritual to celebrate the fictional wookiee holiday called LIFE DAY. How could anything go wrong with a holiday special centered around a second tier supporting character of the most popular film of all time? It had to be a hit.
I know I couldn’t wait. I recall carefully cutting out the full page ad in T.V. Guide before the show aired, and placing it into my Star Wars scrapbook. Years later I was relieved to find out I was not the only kid who did that. I have met two others who care to remember this night in Star Wars history by preserving the FIRST ad of what was to become a holiday classic. A new hope for TV.

The night of November 17th 1978 came and kids everywhere were glued to the TV for their first glimpse at a NEW Star Wars adventure. That night children across America grew up. November 17th 1978 was the night we all were had.

It starts great with pre credits sequence of Han And Chewie in the cockpit of everyone’s favorite ship escaping the empire’s evil clutches. But something is wrong it looks like a soap opera. VIDEO. EWWWW this is video not film. Han is shot with what must be a stocking over the lens. A trick reserved for ugly over the hill women now being used on Harrison Ford? Whaa… The cockpit of the Falcon looks less detailed and very cardboardy.

It was clear by the end of the credits children all over America were duped.
The feeling of watching the thing you love fall apart before your very eyes is...horrible.
This was the first and only time this crapfest was ever aired. Even George Lucas has said publicly that he wishes ""that if he had the time and a hammer, he would track down every bootlegged copy of that program and smash it.".

But lets explore how such a promising concept could become such a hated travesty.

First off how did they decide on the cast? Well, Mark Hamil, Carrie Fisher, Harrison Ford, Anthony Daniels and Peter Mayhew from the original cast are a given James Earl Jones can say a few new lines and we can say he’s the voice of Darth Vader. That little funny robit R2D2 can be there too. That itself is worthy of viewing. The cast reunited. Everyone is a sucker for that.
Then there are the guest stars. Bea Arthur. Well Bea had a very popular show on CBS at the time called Maude so she is a STAR. That works well with Star Wars. Star. STAR wars… ok.
What was also popular on CBS at the time? The Carol Burnett Show and who is that shows whore for hire? Harvey Korman that who. Along with Tim Conway he was half of a funny duo. Half a funny is better than no funny so Harvey is thrown into the mix. Since specials are nothing with out VARIETY there has to be a musical group. WAR was too ethnic for CBS but what about Jefferson Airplane? After all they just changed their name to Jefferson STARship. SOLD! Hmm who else in Hollywood isn’t working? Art Carney available. He used to act next to that fat guy who’d say “to the MOON, Alice”, what was that show? Ah yes, The HoneyMOONers. Lets add Diahann Carroll to the mix. After all she likes to add extra letters to her name just like the way Lucas names his space characters.

Now who could write a riveting script involving all these people? George Lucas? NO no no he’s a hack let him give us an outline and we’ll give it to Bruce Vilanch. Bruce knows T.V. (little did they know that “T.V.” in Bruces’ world of personal ads was something he has a fondness for) Bruce would write a show that (aside from the credits and the precredit sequence that last less than 2 minutes) for the first 12 minutes not one word of any intelligible language is spoken. Its all Wookiee moaning, cooing and snarfing.
Clever Bruce, and very arty for T.V. Next up for Bruce was the SMURFS in Esperanto.
Oh and lets not forget the part where Chewies aged father gets strapped into the masterbation chair and finds his ideal woman. (yep thats really part of the show but its not Bruces fault I think that was in Georges' original outline) With a total of 3 musical numbers and one dance number its 2 hours of pain. Let not forget that one of those musical numbers is sung by Bea Arthur as if she is in some Kurt Wiel extravaganza. Carrie Fisher herself ends the show with a little ditty. As her perscription kicks in she hits a note so sour your ears bleed.

Here is the climax of the special with Carries' otherworldly warbling




Ok , so crap aside how could it fail with the original cast?

1. Not one of them can act.
2. There is no 2.

Our dear hero Luke Skywalker looks like a woman with all that T.V. makeup. (musta hired that friend of Bruces’ to do the make-up) Hamil mugs like a child in a Welches grape juice ad.
Carrie Fisher is so high that her eyes are segmented. Upon hearing her first words of dialog it was clear she was acting from the Patty Duke handbook.
Harrison Ford is trying so hard to act but alas the lack of a director leaves him on his own to “Go for IT”
Anthony Daniels seems to be the only one doing what he does best act like a robot intentionally the others seem to just follow his cue.

It’s a wonder that this thing broadcast in the firstplace.

While Lucas wants to forget this… THING, many wish never to forget. Lucky for us back in 1978 a rich kid back in Boston recorded this show on Betamax. That one Betamax copy has circled the globe via the internet and comic-cons. It will never be forgotten. We know you sold out George. We knew back then. We have been watching your apologies ever since.