Let me just put this in perspective. My perspective.
I’ve known this guy for years. He claims to "Love me". While that is a sweet thing to say I’m not too sure he can or will love anyone. He’s a sweet guy when he is in the company of other people. Cute charming and more touchy then if we are alone. When we are alone there is no physical contact. None. Nada. Zip Bupkis. Zilch NONE.Thats frustrating.
Being that we are both positive I’m sure we both have ample protection lying around. That’s not the problem.
He just … doesn’t like me that way anymore. He would rather pick up a stranger get high and hang out in a bathhouse. Not that that’s bad. Hell its not like I’m a stranger to the BH. It’s just that the fact he has sex with anyone just not me is a blow to my ego and self esteem. In a way that’s a good thing considering his penchant for unprotected sex. I’m sort of happy I haven’t caught the awful staff infections he has picked up from the bathhouse. The first one, he and I thought it was a spider bite but … we all know better now don’t we. Yes those rumors of hideous flesh eating staff infections are true. Not something I’d like to risk getting. So… you won’t see me at a bathhouse anytime soon.
You’ll find him though I’m sure.
On a brighter note. I don’t need to rely on him emotionally any more. I know now that he cannot commit to anything himself included.
I have friends that help. Friends that don’t flake out.
People who will go with me to the doctor if I need that type of support. Friends that will bring me food if I am starving. Friends that promise they will be there and come thru. Not run off and get high and flake. Not promise to be there and be in the bathhouse instead. I hope he finds someone who can straighten his ass out or , at the very least clock him for what he has done. I’m tired of the bullshit. I’m sure that’s one thing he’d say too. It’s all been bullshit.
As for today. A very nice day. A friend called and is going thru a rough time. He took me out to breakfast at a little diner in Montrose. That was very kind. Poor guy. He’s a good guy and a kind soul and very funny but his girlfriend is putting him through the paces. He doesn’t deserve that kind of treatment. I hope she comes to her senses or he stumbles across a woman who will not be so… that way.
This evening a coworker stopped by and cooked me dinner. We had mashed potatoes YUMMY and lemon garlic chicken! It was great! The only problem is that the food is causing a gallbladder attack. I’m in unbelievable pain. But it was worth it to eat something other than rice for a change. I think? Maybe not so worth it because… IT HURTS! It tasted good though. I’m going to have my gallbladder removed this Friday so this damn pain can be gone once and for all!
Being that we are both positive I’m sure we both have ample protection lying around. That’s not the problem.
He just … doesn’t like me that way anymore. He would rather pick up a stranger get high and hang out in a bathhouse. Not that that’s bad. Hell its not like I’m a stranger to the BH. It’s just that the fact he has sex with anyone just not me is a blow to my ego and self esteem. In a way that’s a good thing considering his penchant for unprotected sex. I’m sort of happy I haven’t caught the awful staff infections he has picked up from the bathhouse. The first one, he and I thought it was a spider bite but … we all know better now don’t we. Yes those rumors of hideous flesh eating staff infections are true. Not something I’d like to risk getting. So… you won’t see me at a bathhouse anytime soon.
You’ll find him though I’m sure.
On a brighter note. I don’t need to rely on him emotionally any more. I know now that he cannot commit to anything himself included.
I have friends that help. Friends that don’t flake out.
People who will go with me to the doctor if I need that type of support. Friends that will bring me food if I am starving. Friends that promise they will be there and come thru. Not run off and get high and flake. Not promise to be there and be in the bathhouse instead. I hope he finds someone who can straighten his ass out or , at the very least clock him for what he has done. I’m tired of the bullshit. I’m sure that’s one thing he’d say too. It’s all been bullshit.
As for today. A very nice day. A friend called and is going thru a rough time. He took me out to breakfast at a little diner in Montrose. That was very kind. Poor guy. He’s a good guy and a kind soul and very funny but his girlfriend is putting him through the paces. He doesn’t deserve that kind of treatment. I hope she comes to her senses or he stumbles across a woman who will not be so… that way.
This evening a coworker stopped by and cooked me dinner. We had mashed potatoes YUMMY and lemon garlic chicken! It was great! The only problem is that the food is causing a gallbladder attack. I’m in unbelievable pain. But it was worth it to eat something other than rice for a change. I think? Maybe not so worth it because… IT HURTS! It tasted good though. I’m going to have my gallbladder removed this Friday so this damn pain can be gone once and for all!
posted by Gavin Elster at 10:46 PM
2 Comments:
Im sick of some guys shit too, I will never understand them.\
Good luck on the surgery and get well soon!!
Guys like that are fuck-withs and should be left as they are. Don't involve yourself overly, DEFINITELY don't define yourself or your goodness or lovableness by him, but rather the good friends you describe as loving you and being there.
I'm glad you had the chicken. It's always better to have lived and suffered a little from it, than to have gone the safe route and never have lived at all.
xoxo
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