This is Disneyland?

What would you call a fun filled ride that takes you down into darkened caverns and into some strange ol’ pirate town. A watery ride where you see a battle in progress, pirates popping out of barrels and convicts trying to get out of ye olde jail. Perhaps eagle eyed riders may catch a glimpse of a parrot pearched on a pirates chest o’ gold.

A scam and a possible pending lawsuit is what I’d call it.

While we in Southern California have the distinct honor of having “The happiest place on earth™” in our own back yard it seems Staffordshire England has a little something too.

The park is called Drayton Manor.

My friends at the THEMED ATTRACTIONS web group hipped me to this GEM of a park.

Drayton Manor is home to a watery boat ride called Pirate Adventure. Its so close to the Pirate “ride” at Disneyland that it’s difficult to tell them apart. Pirate Adventure is Sans the signature song A PIRATES LIFE FOR ME but all the other elements are there. The owner admits to ripping off the Disney ride back before the movies were a concept. This is honestly the Turkish Star Wars of Theme Park Rides.

Drayton Manor is a family theme park with a mixture of scenic and white knuckle rides. It covers 280 acres of land, and is visited by over one million people annually. Drayton Manor opened to the public on October 16th, 1949 as an 'inland pleasure resort' and has since grown substantially in size. It is the UK's leading family run theme park and the fourth most popular theme park in Britain in terms of visitor numbers. Last year the park was awarded 'Visitor Attraction of the Year' in the Heart of England Tourism Awards and was also voted 'Best UK Attraction for Children' by Group Leisure for the 3rd year running. This year the park received two awards: 'Best UK Attraction' awarded by Group Leisure and 'UK Attraction of the Year' awarded by Coach Tourism.

Well good on ya limey bastards.



A cloned Pirate ride is not the only thing the park has.
Lets see:

The following list indicates all the current rides at Drayton Manor Theme Park and what areas they are in:

Aerial Park:
Apocalypse, The Haunting (a walkthrough mansion attraction that somehow incorporates a haunted swing), Pandemonium, Big Wheel, Flying Dutchman, Drunken Barrels (They mean spinning teacups shaped like barrels. This is actually an improvement on the Disney ride since it has a beer theme!), Wild West Shoot Out (frontierland shooting gallery), Buffalo Coaster (might as well have called it Big Thunder-esque mountain coaster) , Sombrero, Drayton Queen Boat. (poofters)

Pirate Cove:
Excalibur - A Dragon's Tale(is the Dragon Named Pete?), Pirate Adventure (a dark ride “loosely” based on Disney's Pirates of the Caribbean), Jolly Roger(the first of two JOLLY rides), Dodgems (bumper cars), Jolly Buccaneer(that damn swinging ship ride that every sad park has), Pirate Raft Ride (oh I bet ye get to see Tom Saywers island from ye raft!).

Robinson's Land (Not the swiss family ones..dontcha know):
Flying Jumbos (ya see… if you replace the “D” with a “J” ya wont get sued), Junior Carousel('cause its fun when its small?), Ladybirds, Vintage Cars (Autopia), Mini Balloons(Baloonatopia), Arriva Crazy Bus(Santa Monicatopia), Super Dragon(not named Pete) Roller Coaster, Frog Hopper(or Mr frog hoppers wild ride), Whirly Wheel, Cadbury's Junior Pirate Ship (choco-pirate? Fudge lovin' "men o' the sea"...if ye know whats I be tellin').

Fisherman's Wharf:
Stormforce 10, Polperro Express Railway(a little gold,green and red train that goes around the park..where have I seen that before?), Carousel (another fuckin carousel).

Action Park:
Maelstrom, Shockwave, Splash Canyon (loosely based on the old AMERICA SINGS animatronics), Black Revolver (insensitive racists), G-Force, Chair Lift (this is just like the English to have a ride that’s named after something you try to get off of anywhere else in the world.)

I’m going to start my own Funtastic park if these wankin' wackos can rip off Disney in this way!


I’m going to call my park LARDLAND’S BY THE SEA
I’ll stick it out in the fuckin’ Mojave desert.

Let see what can my park have?
My first land will be called:

Yesterworld’s Future Equipment-land of discontinued electronics and such.
(that’s the name. No way I’m gonna change it!)
The rides:
Carousel of Carousels. (a seventy minute ride that tells you a 10 minute long narrative story called “History of the carousel” over and over)
The House of Yesterday (a house featuring products that never worked or never made it out of the prototype stage)
Spin Cycle. (a washer and dryer so everyone can do my laundry. Its not a ride but you may learn something so lets say its educational.)
Captain EO (it has to go somewhere!)

My second land will be
The pig sty.
Gordos dream (a dark ride thru a MacDonalds .No food allowed.)
Big Thunderbottom Railroad ( a slow rollercoaster thru a candy-like mountain and a fudge-like cave.)
Mr. Peeps Storybook Canal of Chocowhimsy. (actually not a ride but a picnic area)
The Bird Ripper. (a carousel that has turketlegs instead of brass rings)
The Butterhorn (double-wide fun on the pastery-filled mountain of buttery dreams. Another picnic area)
Snowballs Scary Adventures. ( chase a Hostess Snowball thru the large intestine on this dark ride. The end will surprise you!)

Third land….
Americatown.
Mainstreet NRA (with Great Moments with Mr. Heston)
WAL-Mart ( Americas only shopping choice)